M.A.M :)

"Searching The Floor"
scrambling
searching everywhere
on my knees looking in low places
avoiding those high places that i used to know
i want to know where to find
those receipts with the dates that told me when i purchased these feelings
i wanna give them back
because i didnt know the defect of this product
i didnt know that i would hear the voices on the right and the screams to the left 
of this brain 
where i cant escape memories
and times that carry me into a place of wishing and hoping
but i thought i purchased feelings of cetainty!
beautiful feelings that comfort me on lonely nightss
but all i got was those lonely nights
where is the expiration date because im ready for these sour thoughts to go bad
and to spoil over
into next weeks garbage
and i feel like you started a task that you weren't brave enough to finish
you weren't brave enough 
to care
you weren't brave enough to embrace the fact that im here
and why do I bother?!
why did I come to this place?
this is all i know...
the only place i've seen where i could purchase something that i bought that was so sweet
now i dont wanna know the taste im willing to waste 
that spare feeling that i had left
and when can i leave this place and forget the bad?
when can i find someone who can replace what we had?
when will you wake up and miss what we had?
when will you see that im the only one who has
the capability and capacity of heart and mind to care
and even to share something so valuable so worth your time
and im out of my mind scrambling here on this floor 
trying to find the very reason i went there with you for
trying to find that reciept 
so i can finally get back to me
genuinly not caring not thinking 
not calculating every move every word every thought 
that you heard
and because im torn in a herd of bitches who dont deserve my place
i ask for a place of forfeittedness and beautiful bliss 
where i dont have to look at this 
i mean to look at you
and to see you go through all the motions we knew
with someone else
and it hurts myself
to know that i am even here
but now that im here 
i have to turn to what i know and get up off this floor
return these feelings to the place where i was once untorn.